


In the Middle

by almondblossoms7



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Endgame Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Minor Clarke Griffin/Lexa, Praimfaya | Radiation Wave, Radio, letter writing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-05
Updated: 2020-05-05
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:34:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24025921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/almondblossoms7/pseuds/almondblossoms7
Summary: 5 Letters Clarke writes to Bellamy during Praimfaya
Relationships: Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin
Comments: 2
Kudos: 23





	In the Middle

**Author's Note:**

> This is so fluffy, but I feel like we deserve this.

“I cannot fix on the hour, or the spot, or the look or the words, which laid the foundation. It is too long ago. I was in the middle before I knew that I had begun.”  
― Jane Austen, Pride, and Prejudice

352 Days after Praimfaya.

Bellamy,

I know you’re never going to read this, but I’m going out of my mind here. I wish I could say some stuff to you, just me and you, no Madi or whoever is out there listening in. I guess I wish I had done things differently. I’m still convinced this is a dumb idea. I’m not sure why I’m explaining all this, no one will ever read this letter. 

Sometimes I wonder how well I knew you. I mean, we spent what feels like lifetimes fighting, surviving, and leading together. I know how you make tough decisions, I know what you’d do for your sister, I know what you'd do for us.

Madi and I were picking flowers in the valley, she asked me which one I thought you’d like best, and I realized I didn’t know. It seems stupid, it’s a little thing, but I realized there’s just so much I don’t know. I don’t know your favorite memory, what side of the bed you sleep on, how you like to relax. What is your favorite time of day? If you could only have one food for the rest of your life what would it be? I can guess and imagine what you might say, but the truth is I’m not sure. All the time we spent together was high stakes adrenaline-filled, and we never got time to just be with each other and talk about ourselves instead of how to save the world.

I wish we had gotten that drink. I wish I had asked you what your favorite flower was, and a million other stupid little questions you would have rolled your eyes at. I wish we had a moment to just be Bellamy and Clarke. 

-Clarke

2\. 619 days after Praimfaya

Bellamy,

Did you know I was in love with you? I think you did, but now I’m not so sure. 

Well, I was, am I guess. I didn’t notice it at first, you crept up on me, and then I was in love. There was no dramatic moment or action, one day I just realized I had been in love with you for so long I forget what it was like to not be. And then I never told anyone, it felt complicated, messy. After my dad, and Wells, and Lexa, and everything you and I had done, I told myself that our friendship, our partnership was the most important thing. I told myself I couldn’t lose that, after everything else I’d been through and lost. 

And then I told myself maybe you didn’t feel the same way, maybe it would be better to keep it to myself. Though deep down I was pretty sure that wasn’t true. 

But the truth is, I thought we were inevitable. It didn’t really matter what I did, because there was no world in which we didn’t one day get together. We were the main characters in a love story destined to be together, sure we’d have our obstacles, but that’s how our story would end. I didn’t need to tell you because eventually when the dust settled it would be you and me, together. 

Which is dumb, and shitty, I know. I don’t even know if you feel the same way. I wish I had fought for you. You’re the kind of person who deserves to be fought for. 

-Clarke

3\. 859 days after Praimfaya

I had a dream about you. We were by a lake, and you were there and real and I could hold you in my arms. There was nothing to worry about, and I felt so at peace.

I wish I had never woken up.

4\. 1437 days after Praimfaya

Bellamy,

It’s hard just having one person to talk to. I don’t think of myself as particularly social, but I miss talking with Raven and Harper, Monty’s smile, even my Mom as crazy as it sounds. But mostly I miss you. I miss getting advice, asking what you think, and hearing your voice. 

I love Madi, and I love being with her and raising her, but I wish she got to know you guys, not just from my stories. I wish you could teach her history, and Raven could teach her about technology. I hope you come down soon, and we can all be together.

God, I sound like such a sap, I can’t believe I wrote that. How many people would laugh hearing that Wanheda is sad because she misses her friends. Please come home, clearly, I need you, all of you.

-Clarke

5\. 1736 days after Praimfaya

Bell,

I think you’d tell me to stop writing, stop calling every day. It seems pointless. You’re not there. You’re not going to answer me. But I can’t stop. Maybe you’re listening and can’t respond. Maybe you don’t know I can’t hear your messages. I keep telling myself that there could be a million possibilities I haven’t even considered. Plus it’s not just you I’m worried about. If you’re gone that means so is everyone else. I can’t think that way, I won’t.

But the main thing is I’ve given up on so many people and things. I refuse to give up on you. I’ll keep calling, however long it takes. I left you once before, and I promised myself I’d never do it again.

It hasn’t been five years yet, it still isn’t safe for you to come down yet. I’m counting down the days, you’ll be back I know it. 

I’m going to stop writing to you though. Not that it matters, these letters never leave my sketchbook. It’s just too painful to know you might never read them. I hope wherever you are you can hear me on the radio. I love you. Please come back to me.

Love,  
Clarke


End file.
